Hello, Sir

2007-01-28T13:01:00.000-08:00

Anyone check on this anymore?

2006-08-23T10:18:00.001-07:00

week partially from a not so bad level of hell.

someone tell me a good joke.

2006-08-23T10:18:00.000-07:00

week partially from a not so bad level of hell.

someone tell me a good joke.

2006-08-05T12:41:00.000-07:00

i am an idiot. i was trying to turn this blue and didn't realize that i was in the damn html edit page. gaah!

yo, abbs, sorry it's hot up there and you feel bad. i hope things are getting better. let us know if/when you hear about the job sitch.

open, yet another reason why i will not be becoming a lawyer or living in williamsburg, va. hahahaha!!

earth to beth....

i don't have much to report, i just figure i have to keep posting on the blog to keep it alive and put my money where my mouth is. even if i have a boring life. or just steady. i'll go with that.

ooh! but i did find a funny looking ceramic bunny at a yard sale for $2 that i'm going to stick on my dad's porch int he middle of the night just to mess with his head when he finds it tomorrow. wha- hahahahaha!!

2006-08-04T12:43:00.000-07:00

By the way, now that the heat has subsided a few degrees and I can think a little clearer, here's the deal on the job (Which still hasn't called me back for another interview, damn it): It's a research position at the U of Chicago Psychiatry Dept., coordinating and helping to run studies in their Clinical Addictions lab. The studies they are working on now have mainly to do with smoking and alcohol consumption. The job sounds great, because I would get to be involved in all stages of the research, and could even have the opportunity to get involved in publications. And I could learn about running fMRI studies (those are the really cool machines that provide pictures of blood flow to the different regions of the brain). It pays enough and has good benefits. The only kicker is that I would have to agree to stay at the job for 2 years, so I would have to put off PhD programs for another year. But I think I've decided that if they offer it to me, I'll take it anyway. Now they just have to call!

2006-08-02T14:03:00.000-07:00

It "feels like" 106 degrees in Chicago. Just for kicks, I compared it to nashville, where it "feels like" 97, according to weather.com. Aside from the fact that I don't get all this "feels like" business (what the hell is a temperature if not a measure of what the outside "feels like?") - I officially hate life. And Chicago, which I previously adored, is losing major points for forgetting about summer and not having air conditioning. My apartment does not have a/c. Neither, apparently, do many other people, as they are being evacuated from their homes to prevent death. Turns out that not only do I get ANGRY when i'm overheated, but I also turn into an emotional wreck, prone to crying outbursts at the drop of a hat. All this compounded by the fact that I have had killer cramps for the last two days, which I generally can only relieve with a heating pad cranked as high as it will go. And I cannot leave the city, despite my father's frequent-flier offer, because I'm supposed to have a second job interview sometime this week. This may be up there with the most miserable week of my life. I'll take negative 20 degree winters anyday.

On the upside, the only thing I've managed to keep down in this state is frozen grapes. Now there's a diet.

2006-07-31T15:06:00.000-07:00

Huh. So, I guess I am the slacker. Whoops.
Well, here are some funny things from my day:
1. I taught a Sexual Harassment class to a group of incoming college freshman. Ironic...
2. I have to go buy drip pans (those things that lay under the ranges on top of a stove) b/c my lease requires things that no man should have to do before moving out.

So, not nearly as funny as biscuit's story, but what could be? Abbe Rose, I heard you have "some kind of job interview" in Shy-town. So, good luck, not that you need it. I presume that this is a job that has more to do with ethnographic study than, say, making Memory Books. Anything further you would care to share would be much appreciated;)

Beth and Ciciley- I shall see you soon, and I shall completely embarrass myself upon my return to the Big City. For one thing, I will be wearing pantaloons.

2006-07-31T09:17:00.000-07:00

so. your curiosity has lead you here. excellent!

firstly, i am on a mac, so i apologize that this post will be void of my normal signature blue text. you'll live.

the other night, after a lovely dinner with the ladies at rumours, i was convinced to then join abbe for a drink at mirror. also lovely. when i came home, around 11, the house was dark and josh was already in the bed. i was tired, but didn't want to wake him, so i used my phone as a semi-flashlight and navigated to the loo and then to the bed to go to sleep. sometime in the early morning, i awoke and went to get some water. i slipped out of the bed, and went the long way around the bed, instead of over josh. i did not, however, realize that earlier josh and his friend john had been playing nintendo, he left the chair pulled out. i tripped over, tangled with, (insert that cartoon thing where someone trips on a chair and ends up dancing with it here), fell with, and landed all kinds of on and up in the chair. in the Dark, y'all. so i didn't see what i'd hit, or the ground coming up to meet me. and screamed on the way down, of course, which woke josh. he bolted awake, and since i'd screamed at 2am or so, was naturally convinced there was someone in the house, or that i was badly hurt. (i was hurt, but not too badly.) he yelled, "babe! babe!" and then i started laughing because he didn't say my name. at which point i said, "i'm ok!" and simultaneously, the cat started Howling and circling me. i thought at first that i had landed on her, as well, or one of her paws, so i scooped her up (after untangling myself from the chair and floor) and gently sqeezed each of her paws to try and determine which one was hurt, if she winced. she did not respond, but was almost huffing. i realized she was just afraid and worried about me, so i pet her until she purred. i now have a mondo bruise.

another day in the life of me.

2006-07-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

How funny that I also checked the blog today, just for old times' sake. There's that psychic connection going on!
Hope all is well on the 5th of July for you ladies!

2006-07-05T19:11:00.000-07:00

i hearby call a blog revival!!

i think it is an excellent way for us to air out the frustrations of our days, share the good news, and have something both to do and to look forward to. furthermore, it allows us to be sure that we each know what the others are doing, as we are a quartet of notorious gossipers, and a safe forum to discuss are aforementioned abnormalities.

so get back on the fucking train, ladies!!

2006-05-06T09:35:00.000-07:00

HAA! bet you didnt see that comin!!!!!!

love ya

b

2006-05-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

did we all forget about the blog? well, i didn't....

congrats to open for finishing her exams! i imagine abbe is done by now, too, so congrats for that! beth, way to be beth! woohoo!

beth, are we hanging out again, you know, ever?

abbs and sarah i'm going to try to call you both and talk this weekend, things have been hectic, as my employer had the baby this week. you want details...?

someone else post, too!!

2006-03-26T22:24:00.000-08:00

Spring Break 2006 (whoo-hoo!) update

St. Paddy's Day festivities: Excellent
Strip Clubs visited: one
Times I cried to my mommy: 2
Karaoke bars visited: 1
Karaoke bars left without singing due to empty creepy setting and too-early arrival: 1
Girly shots taken: 3 (Buttery Nipple, Blow Job, Oatmeal Cookie....huh)
Tequila shots taken: multiple
Creepy David Lynch movies watched (Blue Velvet- fucking weird)- 1
Nights I've taken cabs home due to excessive drunkenness or car dying: 3
Smut'n'Eggs (watching bad 70s porn while eating breakfast at midnight at a local biker bar): rather entertaining
Games of pool won: 0
Cool new clubs I've discovered: 2
Money I've spent: Obscene
Hangovers: 0, which makes me really uncomfortable given the ridiculous amount of drinking I've done this week
Hours I've been unable to sleep tonight cause I am all antsy realizing I really like a guy: continually increasing

Argh!

2006-03-19T15:42:00.000-08:00

ignore this. it's a computer thing i'm trying to figure out

2006-03-15T16:36:00.000-08:00

Quote of the week:

Quote of the Week 0 Comments Published by Jackson March 14th, 2006 in politics
Senator Barak Obama at the Gridiron Roast last weekend:
The truth is, I’m terrified to be here. Not because you’re such a tough audience, but because they’re serving drinks. I’m standing about 30 yards from the vice president, and I’m a lawyer. The only thing that could make this more dangerous is if he considered me a friend.
Mr. vice president, I know you came here expecting to be a target, which, it turns out, may prove easier for you than shooting at one, […] You’ve taught us a valuable lesson. Aim higher.
It sounds like it was a really funny event. Both sides got in on the action. I wish I could find a transcript of the entire event (or even better, a video).

(This one is from my bro's blog. The other from my dad's. Credit where credit is due...)

2006-03-15T16:16:00.000-08:00

Quote of the day

"Having a non-smoking section in a restaraunt is like having a no-peeing section in a swimming pool."

-A high school student who was addressing the TN legislature in favor of a ban on smoking in all restaurants (This morning on wpln).

2006-02-27T10:25:00.001-08:00

Vegas Vacation 2006
31 days and counting...

2006-02-27T10:25:00.000-08:00

VEGAS!!!!

that is all.

2006-02-25T14:30:00.000-08:00

At approximately 10 pm this evening, I will be walking across the stage to that song "Tennessee" by Arrested Development. Following this, I will be drinking a shot of Jack Daniels every time an additional $50 is bid on me.
I will be wearing a push-up bra, a wife beater, cowboy boots, cowboy hat, pigtails, jeans and a grimace. Be with me in spirit...

2006-02-20T14:39:00.000-08:00

Fun Sex fact of the Day:

It would only take 5mL of semen to impregnate all the women in North America.

Enjoy the rest of your day!

2006-02-17T22:15:00.000-08:00

um... what?!

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/europe/02/17/italy.abuse.reut/index.html

2006-02-14T14:58:00.000-08:00

Lonely and Bitter-
One more Valentine's Day. Begun with One more rape class. Followed by One more Con Law. Concluded by One more Jack and diet Coke cried into.
This is the first time in years that no boy has called me on Valentine's Day.
I am going to die alone.

2006-02-03T09:44:00.000-08:00

Criminal Law Rape Class
I was so angry in class today, that I was visibly shaking. I have never actually shook with rage before. I actually had to DEFEND my position that "no" does not mean "yes".
My enlightened law school peers said things like "We should look at it through the reasonable person standard- the reasonable woman would rather die than be raped." and "Why would you believe a woman over a man when there is no corroborating evidence?" and "Women often say no, like, because they have to get up early in the morning. Sometimes they really want it."

I would say that this is why I hate men, but these idiotic views were espoused by both men and women. Therefore, this is why I hate people, sex, law school and open debate.:(

2006-02-02T20:29:00.000-08:00

for david.

winter always takes only a few, brief as he may be

a heart dried may beat all the same
wrapped in distance, blackened by skid marks and the gasp of time transient
shortlived

here
we stand as (t)his passing

p a s s e s

temporary, momentary as a shriek, internal
straighter than a slicesliver

fleet

it takes only once
to land-- not on your feet
and truly to fall

behold-
as time.slows.down.
and the road built up behind us all, just one short and harsh

right you are
and those eyes sweat
no longer full, full of sadness and immediately beautiful

i will love you more after this
i will love you enough for

i will love you enough

i have unearthed you and shall hold, though you find yourself lost
you held me as you lay his body down

2006-01-30T18:41:00.000-08:00

OK, existential post #24:

Do I really want a career in academia? I do like research, but I don't live and breathe for it, and there's a certain feeling of disconnect from the real world. It seems like everyone is obsessed with who's the smartest and most innovative, which can be a good thing, but does anyone ever feel satisfied that way? And it blows me away to think that I could spend the next 10 years getting my PhD, even from a school like the U of C or Harvard (assuming I got in) and still not be guaranteed a job when I got out. (There are currently 200-300 applicants for every faculty opening in anthropology.)

Plus, of course, I've been trying to figure out the meaning of life lately, and I don't know that killing ourselves over who has more publications or more grant money is it. I am leaning again toward the clinical psychology route which might allow me to see patients and try to alleviate some real-life distress, in addition to research. But that raises the question of whether I could get in, since my project currently is more anthropological. I can't win :)

So, guys, what should I do with my life? Open, my dear, I really envy you with the law school choice. I wish I was that sure (and already accepted into a program with a 3-year term!)

2006-01-28T07:07:00.000-08:00

Reasons my brother is a sick bastard.

Reason #423: His blog from the other day::

The apparent Hamas victory in Palestine is another sign of the increased polarization taking place in the world thanks to religious fundamentalism.
I can relate to all of the non-fanatics in Palestine who are probably asking themselves how this happened and if they should move to a country that more closely fits their beliefs. I felt the same way in 2000 and 2004.
At least I can have the strange comfort that our fundamentalists can kick their fundamentalists’ asses. (italics added for emphasis)

I would like to say that I am very concerned about an elected body comprised largely of people who will not recognize Israel as a country. Israel's response: "we don't negotiate with terrorists." Hamas' official charter calls for Israel's destruction, but they do good charity work in the community and helped with the hurricane aftermath. Some comfort?

2006-01-23T21:52:00.000-08:00

Fun sex facts of the day:

Sperm can live inside a vagina for up to 11 days.

80% of conceptions are spontaneously aborted within the first month. (Think how many times you've been pregnant and never knew it!)

Little boy monkeys show greater preference for playing with trucks and balls, whereas little girl monkeys show a greater preference for dolls and the color pink. (No, I am not kidding.)

About 8% of sheep in the USDA flocks mount other male sheep and refuse to mount female sheep. Insert tasteless sheep-fucking joke here.....

Age of first period seems to be directly triggered by girls reaching a certain weight, or more accurately, a certain fat to lean body mass ratio.

I am not currently getting any (sigh).

But at least I can take a fun class about sex!

2006-01-10T16:44:00.000-08:00

A moment for the judiciary...

As of Monday, I attend a Constitutional Law class four times a week. I learned yesterday that Scalia and Thomas (see "Most Conservative Judges Ever" awards) are actually the judges who most often ignore precedent in case law and original intent of the Framers of the Constitution and make new law.
I don't know how much you guys have been involved in the "judicial activism" debate, but it has traditionally presupposed that politically conservative judges will be "originalists", who don't want to change the laws. This trend has done a 180 recently, and now the most "activist" judges are the Republicans. I have a theory.
Back in the day, when the Framers made the Constitution, white men ruled America. There was a laissez faire economic approach by the government and bitches and coloreds knew there places. Now that the Constitution has been interpreted (and amended) to include equal rights for minority groups and more regulation of huge corporations, the "conservatives" are actually more judicially liberal, b/c they want to overturn things like Roe v. Wade and put dumb shit in the Constitution that doesn't belong like and Amendment prohibiting gay marriage.
I think this trend correlates with the increasingly large federal government (no individual privacy rights and an obscene military budget) ironically espoused through a conservative (Bush) administration. Thoughts? Is this actually really dull and only "law-school interesting" (much like "law-school hot", where you get the equivalent to beer goggles by a sheer dearth of objectively attractive students)?

2006-01-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

for the tribe.

float
and i’ll take your picture
so i can remember
how beautiful we all were
for this is when time gets away from us; wherever you are you are us
summertime soaks our feet

braids unravel
as you wish, alone,
not to be
not to be at all

but you splash awake
that shaking impatience of yours
was always as sweetness to me
a silent pattern of rhythm calling you, unphotographed

he cut me open
only to leave room for you
and your echoes last the longest

my darlings, it wasn’t meant to be

each one is closer in the fire

get wake up, in and out
all day long
and each one is closer

2006-01-04T20:51:00.000-08:00

So. Forbes has come out with a FICTIONAL top 15 richest people list. I have to admit, I found out about this from the Colbert report. But as he rightly points out, now we're having our attention drawn to fictional people whom we will never be as rich as. However, i was pleased that Willy Wonka made it high on the list. And you'll never guess who's No. 1. (No, I'm not going to tell you! Who do you think it is?)

Also......the name Dermot. As in Mulroney, the guy in the Family Stone and in My Best Friend's Wedding. Is the name better than Kermit? Why or why not? I'd like a 2-page double spaced explanation by Friday.

2005-12-29T21:22:00.000-08:00

this poor blog awaits some dialogue.

although, i imagine all of us being in town lessens its need.

where is gaither? i know i left at 10.15 tonight, but at least i went out! and i got to see abbe look hot in her straight hair and short skirt (and my boots, yeeha) and sarah look hot in her new top. i think it was a new top. anyway, i liked it and they were hot. and gaither missed it.

and i'm all primped up and ready for bed.

but the real reason i got on this thing is- um... new year's?

2005-12-19T20:44:00.000-08:00

MENSA

So, according to MENSA, I am a genius as evidenced to my LSAT scores. My father is a genius according to his GMAT scores. Check scores for any tests you may have taken in the past at:
http://www.us.mensa.org/Content/AML/NavigationMenu/Join/SubmitTestScores/QualifyingTestScores/QualifyingScores.htm

I think this proves once and for all that standardized tests mean exactly shit- how would a genius manage to come within 30 minutes of driving to the wrong airport to catch a plane?!

2005-12-15T10:41:00.000-08:00

question-

how much of this me not having a job stuff is about my ego? am i really just pissed off that I have a ba, and I speak another language, and I am qualified, so where are all the people Begging for me to work for them?

how do i deal with that? have i become my own worst enemy?

Shit.

2005-12-15T10:23:00.000-08:00

on account of being sick and home, i feel some verboseness coming on here. yes, that is a word.

open to interpretation, i left a comment on your harassment blog.

gaither, where did you find that article? left a comment.

abbs, as for the "how to sound smart," i say, hey! you lay off teleological!! i'm a firm believer that that is a great word. learn it- listen for it. you can use it not only to make your objectives or the objectives of another person seem smarter, but when someone is trying to pull the wool over your eyes, you'll know.
examples-
the army has something called "the prime objective" in any given mission, often called by reporters as teleological. that's a big fat lie- it means they will break laws to get what they need. when you hear that, now you will not think, "oh, they are working towards and end," you will think, "LIAR!! this is some manifest destiny type of bullShit!! you just mean that they will kill Every soldier they got as long as they get some document away from the president of [insert name of country where most of the inhabitants have brown skin here which we are bombing at the time]!"
example 2
kierkegaard claimes that the story of abraham and isaac in the bible contains a temporary teleological suspension of the ethical on god's part. that is, for anyone not familiar with the story, abraham and his wife wished for many children, but had only isaac. then god told abraham to kill isaac, which went directly against god's commandment of thou shalt not kill. abraham, a pious man, raised his hand against isaac with every intention of killing him, and god stayed his hand, and in turn, blessed him with children like the stars (perhaps your campfire days will remind you-
"father abraham
had many sons
many sons
had father abraham
i am one of them
and so are you
so let's all praise the lord")

what kierkegaard means is that it was acceptable for god to ask abraham defy his own law in order to test his true faith. but i call bullshit on that, because if you go with the whole thing, god is god, and god doesn't have to suspend shit to find out whose side a brother's on.

but now you'll know, when someone says that, really all they are saying is "a white lie for the greater good." speaking of which, santa is coming to town....

and furthermore, my stepfather's life is pretty much based on hermeneutics, so if he uses that one, i'm ok with that. and yes, i had to look that up.

as for the "universality without uniformity," i say, don't hold your breath. there are a few factors that i believe make that impossible.

1- human beings have this Need to Convince others that they are right in the way they see and act in the world, which i believe is just a need to have people on your side. watch people have a religious discussion- it almost always becomes personal and an argument with attempts at winning someone to your side. it is not often- especially in religious and social behavior discussions for people to simply say, "agree to disagree."

2, which relates to 1, of course- there's too much invested. people have trouble accepting someone else's way of life without seeing it, as you say abbs, as part of how they were raised and taught, but that causes two things. a- they then decide that that person is consciously choosing their way of life Over the one with which they are being presented, and is therefore judging one better than the other and b- cannot turn the tables on themselves to see that they are doing the Same Thing. hypocrisy is a big one here.

3- every one wants to be the chosen one, the chosen people. and if there is no one right way to life, then no one is chosen. and then people get this idea that they must Save others- those who are heretics or savage, and i agree with open that they use words like "honor" to self-justify, when really, they are just bullying everyone else around, and probably acting out of 1 and 2, as well.

and personally, i believe there is a catch-22 to the whole thing. and that is, that i believe certain things Are right for all people, and that in that respect, you cannot allow certain things to stand. if you don't stand for Something, you will fall for anything. like rape- i do not believe that rape is acceptable under any martial law, social construction, or religion. however, i can accept the fact that i believe that because of what abbe said.
so where does that leave me?

2005-12-11T13:49:00.000-08:00

Ok, no more existential postings from me, Gaither.

I have two things to say.

First, I witnessed my first blizzard this week. We got like 8-10 inches of snow in one day. It came down so thick you could barely see through it. Amazing! My little kid self really wanted to go play, sled, ice skate, and drink spiked hot beverages. (Ok, that one wasn't my little kid self.) The only one I got to was drinking Bailey's n hot chocolate. It sure was good!

Also, you should all be aware that I am going to marry Mos Def. I would throw all my cynical rantings about marriage out the window for this man. I think he may have even replaced Jon Stewart as my ideal husband. I went to see the most spectacular show on Friday, with Talib Kweli and Mos Def, and it helped me realize these important things. This show made my top 3 of all time. Luckily when we're married I'll probably get backstage passes.

And I'll be home Tuesday! Life is good.

2005-12-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

I await your comments with baited breath...

http://www.alternet.org/story/29054/

2005-12-09T08:29:00.000-08:00

I'm experiencing a rather inarticulate morning...bear with me please

Open to Interpretation..---hell fucking yeah for hoping on da blog!! And yes thats fucked up---(please see above disclaimer)

Biscuit--I'm so sorry about the kitty, I had a good time last night though.. YOUR POEMS WERE BEAUTIFUL !!! I especially liked the 2nd one...

Abbs - I CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR YOUR INTELLECTUAL MUSINGS.. In a world that is rapidly becoming devoid of intectual stimulation or education, I cant tell you i not only benefit and enjoy these educational moments, but simply how much better i feel in general...seriously..it soothes and comforts me...dont ever stop

Today's sappy moment has been brought to you by the letter G and the number 9

2005-12-08T17:40:00.000-08:00

my mommy had to put goliath down today. he was our orange cat at my mom's. his heart was giving up. he was fourteen.

i am very sad. i am going to gaither's.

more later. hope everyone is well.

:(

2005-12-07T21:02:00.000-08:00

The funny thing about graduate school is...
when teachers sexually harass students, nobody seems to give a shit.
I just found out that my professor told this woman in my class that his wife was not "fulfilling [his] physical and emotional needs." He then asked her if they were "on the same track". That night, after she replied with a "No," of course, he called her at home. He had obtained her number through an information document he had asked us each to give him at the beginning of the term.
His punishment? He was not allowed to call on her in class. WTF?
Granted, this guy is a train wreck, and this issue is only one of the many problems he is facing, but shouldn't we take that seriously? There is not only a power structure issue there, but aren't graduate schools supposed to foster an environment wherein we are supposed to be mentored by and have close and safe relationships with the faculty? There's a ton of money well spent!

2005-12-05T21:50:00.000-08:00

I just came across the following in my notes:

Question: How do people co-participate in interaction with each other?

Answer: Through indexical invocation, literal or figurative, of interpretative frames constituted of valuated categories of normative action associable with various social categories of actors.

But of course! I couldn't have said it better myself. Because I could never have fucking said that at all. God, I hope I never turn into such a verbiose academic. I think all of those adjectives could be rearranged in the sentence and it wouldn't make one bit of difference in meaning. Incidentally, here is my list of pretentious words that this course has taught me (my "how to Sound Smart at the university of Chicago course, aka Perspectives in the Social Sciences"): tautological, teleological, reification, epistemological, ontological, hermeneutics, syntagmatic, paradigmatic, bricolage, parapraxis, cathexis. If you don't know what to say in an argument, try the following: "But don't you think that stance is a little tautological?" It means that the argument is constructed in such a way that it is difficult or impossible to disprove. For instance, a psychoanalyst would say, "But of course you don't believe that you want to sleep with your father. You are repressing!"

2005-12-02T21:28:00.000-08:00

My question of the day.....

Why do people consider moral relativism a bad thing? In the realm of cultural psychology, one big goal is to look at the beliefs and practices of other people and try to convey them in an intelligible manner. If there is no confirmable objective realm of truth, which so far there has not proven to be, why is it a better option to pretend there is such a realm than to take a consciously, cognitively-based relativistic perspective? I would argue that it is even a harder job to be a relativist, to try to continuously recognize that one's judgments are a product of one's upbringing and instilled value system, and that they are not necessarily equally applicable to everyone, everywhere. As my professor would say, to be a pluralist is to recognize that there is "universality without uniformity." And even if my moral structure does not align perfectly with yours, we both are guided by our morals- so morality is still an important and meaningful part of life, just sometimes differently operational. Granted, in practice this will sometimes lead to conflicts in interpretation and action. But such is the cost of living in an increasingly diverse and pluralistic society.

2005-11-30T20:45:00.000-08:00

oh. dear. lord.

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/uglydog.asp

2005-11-30T10:08:00.000-08:00

two new poems

listen closely at the end and they shall tell you the truth
and if i am hope
when hope has lost her vision,
tangled up
fighting sightlessness
to allow you to believe
that your eyes were not blue, never meant to be
but tied up beauty is beauty all the same

you were thinking of me while i was just a spark, a spark
and while maria was full of grace
i wished i were full
full
fullfilled

you lose time, but never drop him

and then you

you come home

and your heart heads straight for me

*********************************************************

in absence
i fall awake

and the words shatter and pile under me
drag deeply, dug down
and lost the shapestructure they held in sleep
configured while you kissed my face
while it is only you and i, afterglowing like a water’s edge
our heart ebbing

in absence, i fall awake and forget my rings
and walk a day of nakedness
save for the luscious straggling of the heat of your hands

in absence
i fall awake

and it is only you i seewhen i close my eyes

2005-11-29T16:11:00.000-08:00

abbe- is your dad ok? call me if you need to talk about it. i know all about father cancer's that get treated from the butthole.
(was that tasteless? i find a sense of humor about these things help... my dad thought it was really funny that his butthole was so involved in his cancer. i'm praying for y'all, doodle. i know you guys don't go with this shit, but i'm enlisting [yes, you can do that] the help of st. catherine of siena- patron saint of the ill.
and ps- what girlfriend? what? what the fuck is going on?! she's also the saint of sexual temptation, if that means anything to this whole thing....)

so.

thanksgiving was lovely. i love seeing my beth and my tink. but we need abbe!!

so.

i still have no job, but have a few good leads. the bass player in josh's band knows a lady who works at the frist. i talked to her on the phone today, and it went really, really well. and jan (tinkerbell's mama) knows the hr lady there, so hopefully i can tuck into Some job there someday. i'm still looking and applying and waiting for callbacks. but i have enough money to get by a while. and i have to go back to the damn dentist tomorrow. bollocks.
and i have some of beth's sex and the city. yay!

so.

i think i'm overly sensitive as a female in strange ways. as you girls know, i'm not a puppy and babies kind of girl. i do love finnegan, of course, but he's blood, so that's different, and kittens but i'm a cat person, so that's different, too. and i don't want one- they scratch!!
when i was looking up the st. catherine stuff for abbs, i was reminded of st. agatha. she is the patron saint of breast cancer, rape victims, fire, single women, sicily, and those who have been tortured. she was from a wealthy and prominently christian family. when edicts where passed against christianity in italy around 200, she was taken by a magistrate and forced into a brothel where she would not accept customers. the magistrate learned of this and she was martyred.
on a similar note, i made a donation to rainn (the rape, abuse, incest national network, which tori amos started) and received a necklace in the mail today that says, "HOPE".
just like me.
st. agatha was killed by having her breasts cut off. her nursemaid rushed to her to save her, but was thrown back by guards. agatha was then rolled on hot coals. god caused an earthquake to have those torturing her stop, and she died.
i found an image of this. of her breasts being severed, and her another of her maid holding her while her breasts are carried off to the magistrate on a silver platter.
i burst into tears.
um. what?

2005-11-23T13:21:00.000-08:00

Ok what the fuck is happening to music....

granted popular music has been on the decline for a while...i cant even tell you the last time i listened to the radio, but seriously....

you have the black eyed peas with "My humps my humps my lovely lady lumps....."

That country hit, "Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk"

and i just heard that new madona song, " I love New York". I have simply enclosed the lyrics below because i am at a loss for words...

I don't like cities But I like new york
Other places make me feel like a dork
Los Angeles is for people who sleep
Paris and London Baby you can keep
[Chorus] Other cities always make me mad
Other places always make me sad
No other city ever made me glad
except New York I love New York [X3]
If you don't like my attitude
Then you can F off
Just go to Texas Isn't that where they golf
New York is not for little pussies who scream
If you can't stand the heat Then get off my street [repeat]
[Chorus]
I love New York [repeat]
Get off my street [repeat]

2005-11-22T09:45:00.000-08:00

I am concerned about my ability to blog...

One of two things is occuring:

A--Absolutely nothing of any minute interest or relevance is occuring in my life

B- Slight things are occuring in my life but they dont ingnite even the slightest whimsy of a thought or musing

Which is worse?

That being said, i will share with you the happiest moment of my weekend and that is that i found Tarantula Tequilla AND Margarita Mix the other day for sale! I have been scouring the city for this since that fateful night of "tequilla research"!!! Needless to say I've been rather busy of late....

2005-11-21T23:18:00.000-08:00

I love my mother.

During our phone conversation tonight, we bonded over the fact that neither of us is getting laid. Up to this point, my mother's line has always been "Sex is a beautiful thing between two people in love." When she found out I was staying over at my summer boyfriend's house, her first reaction was "I didn't know you were in love!" (I don't think I was, for the record, although he was a great guy.) Tonight, in response to my comment that we could both be getting some if we weren't holding out for someone we had at least a slight emotional connection to, she said "Are we sure it's really that much better with emotion?"

Love it! Plus, nothing takes away your own self-pity faster than hearing your mom say "I haven't had sex since your father left me in mid-July."

Seriously, my mommy rocks.

2005-11-21T23:01:00.000-08:00

NOW HEAR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tomorrow is my last day in the hell hole.

let us all rejoice and be glad in it!

2005-11-21T15:01:00.000-08:00

links for the day....

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/KYCAVgolgotha.html

you will need sound for this one.....

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/peanutbutter.html

Thank you that is all

2005-11-18T22:27:00.000-08:00

I am no novice to the world of beauty maintenance rituals. I have inadvertently dyed my hair gray (lesson: don't put black over barbie-doll blond), have owned enough lip glosses to put Bonne Bell Jr though cosmetology school, and have been burned and maimed by inexperienced bikini waxers. But I have yet to figure out how the new hairstylist I went to yesterday messed up the process of touching up my highlights.

Somehow in the course of 3 hours and the removal of $85 from my bank account, my description of "subtle, thin, golden highlights" got transmuted into "big white stripes over the top of my head." I had a fucking halo effect going on here, people. And the real shitty part of it is that I am pretty sure it happened cause she forgot I was sitting there with bleach on my head for nearly an hour while she worked on someone else.

Rather than hiding in my apartment all night, like a normal person is entitled to do after such an event, I had to rush directly to class and even give a presentation. (hey, I did manage to hold the class's attention.)

So today, rather than devote the whole day to my term paper, I spent yet another three hours in the chair with tinfoil wrapped around my head. The good news is, the highlights now look great and no stylist was harmed in the corrective process. The bad news is....well, I spent 6 hours total in the stupid chair!

The things we women do.

2005-11-16T09:20:00.000-08:00

let's talk about dentistry.

(it's a little embarrassing to me how long it takes for me to figure out how to post on this damn thing!!)

anyhoo.

i had some Major dental work done (a full mouth cleaning, including gingivitis prevention), a cavity, and a preparation for a crown because a cracked a tooth. the latter involved about eight shots in my gum (because halfway through it, i could FEEL IT) and shaving off half of that tooth with a drill, only to make a mold of it, which i had to hold in my mouth for ten minutes, and then a mold of it for an acrylic cap to protect the tooth until the crown comes in. OUCH!!! i had my mouth open for three hours (which even to sarah would be something) and it cost $560.00 WITH insurance!!! what?!
thank god i have insurance. and my father.

and the weather here last night was pretty dodgy for a bit, but we're all ok.

and i have another job interview today. i'm excited about this one, so cross your fingers, please, ladies.

love, c.

2005-11-15T22:57:00.000-08:00

You will absolutely not believe what I have spent my evening doing.

First of all, I made chocolate chip cookies. Had a couple of friends over to participate in cookie-baking and general studying. In planning for our upcoming Thanksgiving party, we somehow found ourselves on the Tofurky website, where they are advertising for an essay contest on topic of Tofurkys contributing to world peace. 250 words max (about a paragraph). Yes, we wrote a fictional story. About Turkey and Tofurky as Romeo and Juliet who decide to put aside their differences to bring carnivores and veggies together over the table. I have entered some stupid contests in my time, but.....

But the prize is an iPod! I really want an iPod!

Plus, "Deny thy stuffing and refuse thy name" may be the greatest line ever written. My poetic nature is wasted in the social sciences.

2005-11-13T09:13:00.000-08:00

And while I'm here, I have a less happy rant. I have a firm belief that if a friend of yours makes an attempt- via email, letter, or phone- to discuss a particular issue in your relationship, the proper and courteous thing to do is to respond to such a concern as quickly as possible. For instance, if you send a respectful email to someone expressing non-accusatory hurt feelings, the appropriate thing for the friend to do is to reply and discuss. Within, say, a 24-hour time frame, barring an outbreak of avian flu or the catatonia-inducing event of a Republican victory in a national election. If someone does not do that, it's hard to believe that they truly care about you or consider you a friend, whether or not they have previously verbalized such sentiments.

2005-11-13T08:32:00.000-08:00

So last evening I attended the best show I've been to in a long time. My roommate Kate and I went to check out RJD2, at the Abbey Lounge.

First, I have to say I was really pleased that the Abbey Lounge was an awesome venue, because I was partial to its name from the start. It had the best stage and sound of any Irish pub I've ever been to :) Actually the show was in a separate part of the pub that was spacious but pleasantly intimate and gave no hint of Irish anything.

RJD2 was excellent, but the amazing thing was that all 3 of the acts that preceded him were also smashingly good. I cannot remember the last time that happened, if ever, at a show. When we got there it was about 9pm, and we instantly saw the playlist showing that RJD2 wouldn't be up til 12:15. We weren't terribly excited, thinking there was no way that all 5 hours we would be there would be filled with good beats. How wrong we were. First up was Ohmega Watts, who had a really smooth, laid back but creative flow that recalled Common and Talib Kweli. Kate and I had a hard time concentrating enough to recognize that, however, due to his overwhelming physical attractiveness. Next up was Glue, an all white-boy dorky-looking group that nonetheless rocked incredibly hard. The MC was from New Hampshire, which gives me tingles of idiosyncratic pleasure, and had ridiculously quick, tight, smart lyrics. Great energy from the group as well. This was Kate's favorite of the evening.

My find of the night, however, was DJ Mike Relm. Adorably nerdy-looking (his logo is a pair of glasses), he gave us an absolutely brilliant synthesis of pop-culture music and video clips spanning the past 4 decades. He covered, in one seamless show, clips from Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, Team America, The Shining, Psycho, Peanuts, Bjork's Human Behavior video, and so many more. Didn't speak much, but had the whole audience captivated and begging for more. I would so highly recommend checking him out if the opportunity presents itself.

RJD2 kicks ass, but God, we were exhausted by good music by the time he came on. Also, what kind of bar offers Saturday night specials on bloody Marys? Dangerous idea, really.

Overall, I feel completely sated and all afterglowy from such a good live music experience, which I had been truly craving for the past few weeks.

2005-11-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

here goes nada, niggggas

hello, sir indeed. well said.

well, girls, i have made a decision. whether or not i have another full time job lined up, i am quitting my job at ds on the tuesday before thanksgiving. i am not going to get into all the more recent injustices, but i've gotten to the point where i'd rather working at freakin' longhorn steakhouse than stay there, and i am going to spend thanksgiving with my family and y'all no matter what those fuckers say.
in the meantime, i'm still job hunting like a madwoman. i'm about to bust out the yellow pages and just call everyone in town. and i'm working part time for keith again.
so. i have five vacation days saved up. i am considering them as paid days to find a job after i quit, so that wednesday, friday, and then monday, and tuesday after thanksgiving are totally covered. if by then i've found nothing suitable, i will continue my part time work with keith and work at fucking ruth/chris or something, which i will get on wednesday, with my apologies to the veggies in the house, and start thursday.
thoughts?

2005-11-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

The Principle of "Confusionism:"

The knowable world is incomplete if seen from any one point of view; incoherent if seen from all points of view; and empty if viewed from no place in particular.

-Rick Schweder, cultural psychologist extraordinaire

2005-11-11T22:29:00.000-08:00

Now that I've been sick for a week, I feel eminently qualified to educate the public about the virtues of TheraFlu. If you've never had it, TheraFlu is a magical tea that you blend with hot water. It is filled with different medicines to attack a variety of nasty symptoms. And, it comes in different flavors and formulations. Unfortunately, the tastiest I've tried in Lemon, which happens to be the flavor of NightTime TheraFlu. It is thus limited to occasions when you can be nice and groggy (the best way to exist when sick, in truth). The Citrus Severe Cold (not straight lemony, but still good) is a good choice as well for daytime use. And for flu and sore throat symptoms, the Cinnamon Apple formulation is not as tasty as it sounds, but nicely soothes the throat. And of course, there is no point in being sick if you don't have a gallon of frozen yogurt around somewhere and preferably some Sex and the City to watch.

Also, it turns out that if you have a chest infection, working out is not the best idea.

2005-11-11T21:45:00.000-08:00

In Savage Love this week, Dan reports on the resistance of pro-life, abstinence-only groups to the new HPV vaccine that is currently going through federal trials. HPV is a sexually transmitted infection that has been linked to cervical cancer in women, which kills an estimated 4000 American women each year. Although the vaccine has shown to be 100% effective in clinical trials, not everyone is excited about its introduction. Says Gene Rudd, associate executive director of the Christian Medical and Dental Associations: "I've talked to some who have said, "This is going to sabotage our abstinence message." Doctors want to make the vaccine routinely available. But because the vaccine protects against a sexually transmitted virus, many conservatives oppose making it mandatory, citing fears that it could send a subtle message condoning sexual activity before marriage.

As Dan puts it, "Who ultimately gets to determine the government's position on the HPV vaccine? Thanks to George W. Bush, the Christian fundies do. The Washington Post says: 'The jockeying [around the HPV vaccine] reflects the growing influence social conservatives, who have long felt overlooked by Washington, have gained on a broad spectrum of policy issues under the Bush administration. In this case, a former member of the Christian group Focus on the Family serves on the federal panel that is playing a pivotal role in deciding how the vaccine is used. ' W stands for women- that's what he told us when he ran for president. But hey, it wasn't a lie. George W. Bush never said anything about standing for live women."

C'est vrai, monsieur. And if I by any chance get this human rights grant this summer, I may just spend the whole of it to play video footage of dying women on GW's front lawn. ALL SUMMER LONG.

If you prefer to get your news from the Washington Post rather than Dan, check out this article.